Archive for August, 2010

Baseball Cards and bad investing

Posted in Humor Column, Some sites I enjoy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on August 18, 2010 by Joe Zimmerman

Like many boys in the late 80′s and early 90′s, I collected baseball cards. I remember being told (and believing) that baseball cards were solid investments – each year they would rise in value, and some day I’d be able to sell them for a google dollars (this is back when a google was a really big number, and not a company that’s worth a google dollars).

But the baseball cards I bought during that time are now worth about the same as what trash is worth. Their value over the last fifteen years, has gone down and down. I met a card collector, who told me that period from about 88 to 94 is the worst time for baseball card values. So many people were buying, that companies just increased their supply, and now the market is flooded with guys like me trying to sell their Manny Ramirez Upper Deck rookie card on eBay for…$2?

The strange thing is that smart adult investors make a very similar investing mistake. Year after year, bubbles emerge and bubbles burst, and people are left holding onto a product wondering why they’ve lost all of their money. When something becomes popular, we start hearing everyone say, “Oh that’s a smart investment…yeah, you gotta buy a house!” and we believe it. The problem is, when everyone is investing in the same thing, it’s usually a bad investment.

We (humans) never seem to grasp, that nothing is just a good investment, based on what it is. A good investment depends entirely on the price you buy it at. If you pay $200,000 for a house that’s really worth $100,000, that’ s a bad investment in retrospect. But at the time, how could you have known that? The price had gone up 10% per year for the past however many years, so how were you supposed to know that suddenly it would reverse directions?

The same thing happened with the dot com bubble and the tech bubble and every other bubble. Everyone sees the price rise, and rise again, and then you go, “Well that’s where the money is at…” The classic example is the Dutch Tulip bubble of 1637. Tulips were rare, and became very popular and expensive, to the point that people were regularly paying the equivalent of $2500 for one tulip bulb. Not only that, but they felt like they had just made a good investment, and that they could sell in a few months for a profit. When the bubble burst, anyone stuck holding a tulip, was SOL.

All indications are that gold will be the next bubble. I only guess gold because gold is what everyone is talking about now – “You gotta buy gold to stave off inflation” or whatever it is they say. The problem is, gold has already risen in value, from $300 to $1000 per ounce. I’m sure it was a good investment, if you were smart enough to buy it five years ago, when no one was talking about it. But is it actually a good investment right now? Probably not. Warren Buffett is associated with good investing, and also associated with buying where no one else is looking. Is Warren Buffett buying gold right now? Of course not. Does he own gold though? Sure. I’m guessing he was buying gold 5-10 years ago when the price was around $300 per ounce.

Ultimately, the best investments always come where no one else is looking, because that’s where you find the bargains. Therefore, I’ve compiled a list of things that no one else is buying right now, and from this list we should find some great long term investments:

Dirt
BP Stock
Weeds
Used Coffee Grinds
Kenny G bootlegs
Bottled Fog
Stock in the Yellow Pages
Stray Cats
Lima Bean Futures
Somalian Land Plots
REO Speedwagon mixed tapes
Old computer monitors
Blockbuster Stock
Polaroid Cameras
Old Newspapers
Shit
Broken Lawnmowers
self published paperback books
baseball cards from the early 90′s
Yugos
tulip bulbs

Somewhere on this list, you will find some amazing long term investments, and… you’re welcome.

Death of a Mail-man

Posted in Humor Column, Some sites I enjoy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on August 15, 2010 by Joe Zimmerman

How does the Post Office continue to exist? It’s a business that, like the Yellow Pages, is no longer necessary. It also represents a colossal waste of paper and fuel. With the exception of packages (which could also be sent using FedEx or UPS) there is no mail I receive that couldn’t be sent electronically. Am I the only person who cringes any time I have to mail something? I had to send someone a $50 check, and I asked, “Can I Paypal you?”
“No, we need a check.”
Why? How are there functioning businesses in the world that don’t use PayPal?

Here are the steps I went through to send that $50 check:
Step 1) Find check book. Nope, failure. Checkbook is missing.
Step 2) Drive to the bank and get a temporary check or money order. Nope, failure. I’m not an advantage customer at Bank of America, so I need to pay for a new checkbook, which will arrive in the mail in ten days (Probably would have been three with UPS).
Step 3) Retrieve checkbook from mail box. Nope, failure. I’m on the road and won’t be home for two more weeks.
Step 4) Day 24, return home, get checkbook, find stamp and envelope, Nope, failure. I have neither.
step 5) Drive to the Post Office to buy a stamped envelope. Nope. Post Office is closed for President’s day, or Groundhog’s day, or Cinco De Mayo, or because it’s 4:05 and my Post Office closes at 4. They don’t care – they don’t get paid enough to be open all the time.
Step 6) Day 25, return to post office and stand in a long line. Successfully buy the envelope and stamp, booyah! Ready to send, but WAIT, I don’t have the mailing address.
Step 7) Return home and find address. Fill out envelope and put it in the mail!

After 25 long and arduous days, mission accomplished!

Day 32 – I receive a call (oh no). “Hey Joe, did you ever send that check?”
“Yes.”
“We never got it. Can you send another?”
I have an idea, how about you let me pay you through PayPal so I can move on with my life?
No, we need a check.
(Muffled scream heard by neighbor)

I just spent a lot of my life, trying to pay this person money, that I’d rather keep. You’re making me do a lot of grunt work, so I can have less money? I know what you’re thinking: “Joe, you need to get more organized. Why not just buy extra stamps and envelopes, so that you don’t have to go to the Post Office next time?”
I’ll tell you why, predictable question asker: a) I’ll lose them, that should have been obvious, and b) each time I stand in line at the post office I promise myself to never return.

Moral: It’s 2010, which sounds like an extremely futuristic year. It’s time to update to PayPal and let the laser robots take over.

Words (A random insignificant post)

Posted in Humor Column, Some sites I enjoy, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on August 5, 2010 by Joe Zimmerman

Here are some words I know how to spell, but don’t know their meanings:
Abbess – to forgive a nun, for being un-nunlike
Effete – to admit, with a girlish demeanor
Proscenium – a place where something important happens, up high on a balcony
Inimitable – dangerous, cunning, lascivious…
Exhume – to destroy, with your mouth
Puerile – possessing poisonous glands
Puissant – delicate and angry
Ebullient – not quite obese, but getting there
Pusillanimous – tiny and quiet, like a mouse
Recidivist – one who retreats, but plans to fight another day
Sepulcher – A staff you might hit a wizard with, or vice versa
Transmute – To translate, quietly
Turgid – problematic and stormy
Vicissitude – something pleasant that happens at a high altitude
Myrrh – something Jesus ate
Zeitgeist – an important ghost

Here are some words I don’t know how to spell, but that I do know what they mean:
Boullebaise – a french dish, that’s complicated to make
Hors’ Doevresz – an appetizer that could be french, or could be Buffalo wings
Onamatopoeia – sounds like what you think it is
Bellweather – Hopefully not BP’s stock
Daquiri – A delicious beverage that society does not allow men to drink, unless they are gay.
Czeckoslovakia – Now the Czechkh republic – birthplace of the Yugo
Leuauw – Hawaiian party, where people wear flower necklaces

Here are some words I can neither spell, nor do I know what they mean:
Dipthong – A low hanging under garment
Gingam – a spice that goes in haggas
Jodpurs – an Indian horse spur, or donkey spur
Peinoire – a dainty pink wine

Here are some invented words, that might mean something, but probably not (also most likely spelled wrong):
Fressage – the foam that forms at the top of a beer
Puissance – the respect one shows for royalty
Gradiant – Irritating but beautiful, like J-lo
Collagenetic – Something in your blood, that can’t be good
Mristial – misty and starry, like Justin Bieber’s eyes
Sagatial – of a great magnitude
Collostial – of an even greater magnitude
Dictonomy – to have a dictator, dictate anonymously
Frimp – to pout, frown
Ragine – A cajun spice. Also a french stain removal technique
Quescent – Mournful and sad, but hopeful

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,208 other followers