Archive for the On Tour Category

Beards of Comedy Bid a Fond Farewell – Charlotte, Athens, Atlanta dates

Posted in Beards of Comedy, On Tour with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 30, 2013 by Joe Zimmerman

(Reposting our press release from BeardsOfComedy.com)

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After more than four years as a touring comedy collective, the Beards of Comedy – Andy Sandford (Adult Swim’s Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Rooftop Comedy’s Silver Nail), Dave Stone (Adult Swim’s Squidbillies, LA Weekly’s 12 Comics to Watch), TJ Young (UCBLA’sComedy Death-Ray“Stand Out Stand-Up” Laugh Your Asheville Off Festival) and Joe Zimmerman (Timeout NY, Laughing Skull Festival Finalist) – have decided to draw the curtains on their impressive group run in favor of pursuing new collaborations and individual projects. The Beards of Comedy part ways on good terms and with fond memories and gratitude for all they’ve managed to accomplish together.

Since forming in Atlanta, Georgia in 2008, The Beards of Comedy have performed hundreds of shows all across the country, bringing their mix of stand-up, sketch, music, and improv to countless comedy clubs, music venues, and theaters. Between performances at large colleges and headlining some of the country’s best clubs and comedy rooms, The Beards also released two albums (2009’s “Comedy for People” for Rooftop Comedy Productions and 2011’s “Cardio Mix” on Comedy Central Records), created and released several viral sketches on YouTube and FunnyorDie.com and their most recent web series “Beards Across America” (on MSN.com) has received over 1,000,000 views and counting.

The Beards of Comedy would like to thank all of the friends and fans who provided support and encouragement throughout this incredible journey.

Beards farewell tour dates, May 2013…

May 7th – Charlotte, NC
May 8th – Athens, GA
May 9-12 – Atlanta, GA

 
 

Which fees do you pay?

Posted in Humor Column, On Tour, Self Improvement with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2013 by Joe Zimmerman

Pop quiz, you’re hit with a bunch of stressful fees at once, which do you pay and which do you let ride?  I’m only asking, because at some point it seems like there starts to be some incentive to just let it all ride and see which ones actually come after you.

The obvious answer is, “Oh just pay your fees” but that’s not necessarily the correct answer – it’s just the simple answer.  For instance, three years ago, I decided to test the waters and not pay two different exorbitant $84 fines for missing two different $2 Chicago iPass tolls.  I just wrote back to the collection agency that I didn’t have the money to pay them, and they were welcome to dock my credit.  They never contacted me again, and my credit was never docked.  So in that case I seem to have saved myself $168 that I might have otherwise just mailed in. Either that, or the fees have secretly been adding interest and I now owe Illinois a million dollars that I’m unaware of. 

More recently I’ve been hit with the following, via snail mail:

-$70 parking ticket to the city of Atlanta  (arrived 10 minutes late to my 2 hour parking spot) 

-$18 to Enterprise Rental Car, for being contacted by the city of Atlanta (apparently this is in the Enterprise contract)

-$75 parking ticket to the city of NYC for a parking ticket that the meter person never gave you – you ran inside to a health clinic because you thought you had the flu (turned out to be pollution allergies), and when you came out 10 minutes later there was a meter maid writing a ticket, and when you explained what happened, she walked off, and appeared to have not ticketed you (but apparently she did and now you have late fees, too)

- $780 after penalties to the state of North Carolina for $300 of taxes you apparently didn’t pay in 2008 (even though you made almost nothing in 2008, and could have sworn you filed through Turbo Tax and took care of everything you did make)

Do you 

A) Pay everything immediately

B) Let everything ride, and see what goes to collection (save that short term money!)

C) Let the tickets ride, but deal with the NC taxes (after all they can freeze your bank account I’ve heard!)

D) Deal with everything except the Atlanta parking ticket, $70 seems a bit excessive, and how often will you be parking in Atlanta??

E) Deal with everything except the $18 Enterprise fee.  How often do I need to use Enterprise?

F) Go off the grid completely and squat somewhere in a cabin in Maine – the silence of snow falling is so cathartic!

**Amendment to this post**
Okay, so I’ve received some concerned emails and phone calls about this. I just want you to know, I’ve paid all of these off, and my credit is fine. I’ve also contacted NC about the taxes, and we’ve entered into an enlightening discussion. Everything is going to be OKAY, I promise. This was just meant to be a silly hypothetical question posed as to the actual risk/reward incentives of paying vs. letting it ride. But I get it, we’re all very responsible and VERY serious about not letting it ride. I’m still not convinced, but everything is paid and up to date thanks to anxiety and peer pressure, so no real worries. Still waiting to hear back from gambling experts and economists.

Ford Focus collides with Stop Sign

Posted in Ford Focus Odometer Update, Humor Column, On Tour, Self Improvement with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 6, 2013 by Joe Zimmerman

Odometer Update: 311,475

I was starting to get pretty confident with my driving, with 240,000 miles accident free, and then I ran into a stop sign. My confidence is back down to where it should be, and I’m a little concerned with my fight or flight response. As I was skidding toward the stop sign – red jagged metal octagon headed toward my face – my reaction was something along the lines of, “UH..OH.” I think my mouth and eyes were wide open, as the windshield cracked. I don’t think you’re supposed to see the whole accident; I think you’re supposed to flinch, or put your arm up, or some sort of protective reflex. Not me, I just stared death dumbly in the face.

Should these human slicing jagged metal death octagons be outlawed? Protesters unite!

Should these human slicing jagged metal death octagons be outlawed? Protesters unite!

The police officer said, “You know you were really lucky, I’ve seen stop signs slice people in half.” First of all, really? Is that a thing? If stop signs are slicing people in half on the regular, how about we implement a safer material? Perhaps instead of a sharp jagged metal, maybe some sort of plastic polymer? Secondly, if that’s true, that I was lucky, it means that moment could have been the end of me. Which means I’ve experienced the moments right before death, and it’s a pretty dumb moment, just “Whoopsy!” I don’t even know if it was as much of a reaction of “Whoopsy” it was more of a blank moment of helplessness, when really I should have been putting my arm up.

What had happened was… a Beagle came trotting on to the road, and I hit the brakes, but the brakes didn’t work fast enough, so I swerved into the shoulder to avoid the little guy, where unfortunately, there was a layer of sand. I don’t know why there was sand on the shoulder, but it was essentially a layer of blonde beach sand, which sent me skidding an extra 20-30 feet past my initial projection.

Do you think brake neutralizing beach sand on safety shoulders should be outlawed?  Protesters unite!

Do you think brake neutralizing beach sand on safety shoulders should be outlawed? Protesters unite!

Being a good Samaritan and Beagle life-preserver, I thought the cop would be pleased with my contribution to society: “Hey, good work saving that dog, too bad about your car and all that money you’re gonna have to spend on the deductible.” Instead he said, “Now, you know you’re at fault for this.” I was thinking, “Um, are you not seeing this layer of sand? I mean, honestly, what is sand doing here?” He continued, “It’s illegal to swerve out of your lane. In the future you have to just hit the dog.”

Is there really a law written that says, “you have to hit a dog”? He said even if it’s a deer, you have to brake in your own lane and hit the deer. Surely there’s a limit to what you’re legally not allowed to swerve from. What if it’s a rhinoceros, or pack of wolves? Am I allowed to swerve out of the way of a pile of explosives? I did some Googling and couldn’t find an answer on the specifics of the no-swerve law, so if there are any advanced driver’s ed nerds who want to take a crack at the legality, please hit me back with your findings.

I’m trying to learn from my mistakes and improve, but I’m not sure exactly what I can take from this. On the one hand, I now know not to swerve, but at the same time, I’ve successfully swerved from dozens of animals in the past, accident free. I understand that it’s possible that you could swerve and someone could die, but I also have eyeballs, and if there is a person or car anywhere in the shoulder, I would make a note of that before swerving. It’s not like I would just see a dog and swerve blindly off a cliff. But on the other hand, I didn’t notice the patch of sand, so I get how swerving can lead to bad scenarios.

I suppose the bigger lesson, is to appreciate life. Given that moment could have been it, it is amazing how fleeting life is. You’re driving down the highway listening to Adele, beagle, stop sign, the end. You wouldn’t think so, but a stop sign could kill you at 10 a.m. on a Wednesday near Lynchburg, VA. I do have an increased sense of appreciation, but at the same time the act of appreciating life is easier said than done. Do you wake up each morning and exclaim, “I’m so thankful to be alive!” Or do you call your parents more? Or do you do more of the things on your bucket list and slide further into debt? Is a persistent and gnawing feeling of “I could be dead right now” a positive or a negative? There is a fine line between feeling lucky to be alive and the paralyzing fear of death. There’s the one type of person who feels lucky to be alive so he goes sky-diving, and there’s the other type who feels the same way so he stays in bed all day wearing a helmet. I’d prefer not to sky-dive, or wear a bed helmet, which puts me right back to where I was before the accident, except with a new awareness of the no-swerve kill-the-dog law, and a new windshield.

Beards Across America Web Series up on MSN

Posted in Beards of Comedy, On Tour, Video Clip with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 3, 2012 by Joe Zimmerman

In the past month the Beards of Comedy were commissioned by MSN to do a web series called Beards Across America. We traveled to eight cities with Matt Swinksy film videos on a wide variety of topics (Zombies in Atlanta, the mob in Las Vegas, privacy in New York, etc) and to my surprise, we pulled it off. The first five already have over 400,000 views and can be found here: http://www.bing.com/videos/browse/source?tag=msnentertainment%253abeards_across_america

The last three, yet to be posted, are shot in San Diego, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas and will be up on MSN.com over the course of the next few weeks. I also posted a bunch of pictures of the filming process, which are available on instagram: @joezimmerman / hashtag #BeardsAcrossAmerica

Here is a list of the order we filmed in, and the topics we covered:

San Francisco: Bizarre Foods
New York: Privacy
DC: Currency
Asheville: Beer
Atlanta: Zombie Survival
Los Angeles: Tattoos
San Diego: How to be cool
Las Vegas: The Mob

Fail

Posted in Beards of Comedy, On Tour on May 18, 2012 by Joe Zimmerman

Okay, okay, so I can’t keep up with a daily blog.  I had a festival to participate in yesterday in NYC and then didn’t get it in before midnight.  I think that was seven days in a row, but I suppose I owe you five dollars now.  I’m going to plan on moving my blog schedule to Mondays & Thursdays.

Today I’m getting ready for a Beards of Comedy tour that will entail a solid amount of driving.  We’re leaving tomorrow and stopping by Morgantown to have dinner with my mom, and then hitting Urbana for the beginning of the tour on Sunday night.

Here is the schedule if you want to spread the word and help the Beards grow (get it?):

Sunday, May 20 – Urbana, IL – The Iron Post / 8 pm

Monday, May 21 – Madison, WI – Comedy Club on State /  8 pm

Tuesday, May 22 – Iowa City, IA – The Mill / 9 pm

Wed, May 23 – Saint Louis, MO – The Firebird / 8:30 PM

Thur-Sat May 24-26 – Bloomington, IN – The Comedy Attic (1 show Thursday, 2 Friday, 2 Saturday)

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