Archive for taxes

Which fees do you pay?

Posted in Humor Column, On Tour, Self Improvement with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 22, 2013 by Joe Zimmerman

Pop quiz, you’re hit with a bunch of stressful fees at once, which do you pay and which do you let ride?  I’m only asking, because at some point it seems like there starts to be some incentive to just let it all ride and see which ones actually come after you.

The obvious answer is, “Oh just pay your fees” but that’s not necessarily the correct answer – it’s just the simple answer.  For instance, three years ago, I decided to test the waters and not pay two different exorbitant $84 fines for missing two different $2 Chicago iPass tolls.  I just wrote back to the collection agency that I didn’t have the money to pay them, and they were welcome to dock my credit.  They never contacted me again, and my credit was never docked.  So in that case I seem to have saved myself $168 that I might have otherwise just mailed in. Either that, or the fees have secretly been adding interest and I now owe Illinois a million dollars that I’m unaware of. 

More recently I’ve been hit with the following, via snail mail:

-$70 parking ticket to the city of Atlanta  (arrived 10 minutes late to my 2 hour parking spot) 

-$18 to Enterprise Rental Car, for being contacted by the city of Atlanta (apparently this is in the Enterprise contract)

-$75 parking ticket to the city of NYC for a parking ticket that the meter person never gave you – you ran inside to a health clinic because you thought you had the flu (turned out to be pollution allergies), and when you came out 10 minutes later there was a meter maid writing a ticket, and when you explained what happened, she walked off, and appeared to have not ticketed you (but apparently she did and now you have late fees, too)

- $780 after penalties to the state of North Carolina for $300 of taxes you apparently didn’t pay in 2008 (even though you made almost nothing in 2008, and could have sworn you filed through Turbo Tax and took care of everything you did make)

Do you 

A) Pay everything immediately

B) Let everything ride, and see what goes to collection (save that short term money!)

C) Let the tickets ride, but deal with the NC taxes (after all they can freeze your bank account I’ve heard!)

D) Deal with everything except the Atlanta parking ticket, $70 seems a bit excessive, and how often will you be parking in Atlanta??

E) Deal with everything except the $18 Enterprise fee.  How often do I need to use Enterprise?

F) Go off the grid completely and squat somewhere in a cabin in Maine – the silence of snow falling is so cathartic!

**Amendment to this post**
Okay, so I’ve received some concerned emails and phone calls about this. I just want you to know, I’ve paid all of these off, and my credit is fine. I’ve also contacted NC about the taxes, and we’ve entered into an enlightening discussion. Everything is going to be OKAY, I promise. This was just meant to be a silly hypothetical question posed as to the actual risk/reward incentives of paying vs. letting it ride. But I get it, we’re all very responsible and VERY serious about not letting it ride. I’m still not convinced, but everything is paid and up to date thanks to anxiety and peer pressure, so no real worries. Still waiting to hear back from gambling experts and economists.

Procrastination and The Power of Tomorrow

Posted in Humor Column, self help with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2012 by Joe Zimmerman

Procrastination has always been an issue for me.  I tend to start a lot of projects and then not finish.  I actually started writing this particular blog months ago and then forgot about it, and I’m only going back to it now because I’m putting off something more pressing.  Years ago I purchased the Idiot’s Guide to Overcoming Procrastination and I never got around to reading it. In the first few pages it mentions the Procrastination Society of America and gives you a number you can call to join.  To my surprise some guy answered on what sounded like a home phone:
“Hello.”
“Hi, is this the Procrastination Society of America?”
“Yes, speaking.”
“So, how do I join?”
“You want to join?  You’re in.  Just need your address and we’ll put the membership info in the mail.”
“Okay …(address)…”
“Perfect, you’ll be hearing from us.”
“Great, thanks.”
“It may take a while…”
Fast forward to now and I never received anything.  I don’t know who that guy was, but he’s awesome.

The strangest part about procrastination, is that my brain continues to trick me into believing that I’ll actually be productive tomorrow.  It’s always tomorrow, and never today. Everything important in life is getting done tomorrow: finances, productivity, fitness, diet, taxes, social-consciousness, you name it, miscellaneous, etc.

I have something important to do and my brain goes, “Hey, you know what?  Tomorrow would be a perfect day to get cracking on those Turbo Tax forms,” and I say, “Yeah, good point brain,” and we high-five, and then I eat carrot cake.   In my experience carrot cake is the direct result of high-fiving your brain.

So then tomorrow comes, and now it’s today, and that’s a problem, because today is now, and now is always an issue.   At this very moment, I’m writing a blog, and right after that I need to eat lunch.  I mean, you have to eat lunch.  I can’t be running on the treadmill or doing my taxes while I’m eating lunch.  Tomorrow however, I have the entire day.  Tomorrow I have a sixteen hour window to TCB (yeah, take care of business).  I can do one hour at the gym, two hours on taxes, and two hours getting started on that novel.   That still leaves eleven more hours to get everything else done.  But today I have a seven hour drive back to New York, and let’s face it, you can’t get anything done while you’re driving – you have to listen to podcasts and stop at Chipotle.

What’s truly bizarre, is that my brain plays the same trick over and over, and I continue to fall for it.   You’d think I’d wise up and go, “Not this time brain! You said tomorrow yesterday, and today it’s the same thing as the day before yesterday!  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me every time forever, shame on me.

I’m also guilty of thinking that everything will be easier when I’m older.  There’s this illusion that when you’re older you’ll have more money, a nice house, plenty of free time to knock out that bucket list and start that charitable organization.   But the reality is when I’m actually old I’m gonna be like, “Ooooh, my bones hurt!” I’ll be in a nursing home reminiscing on the times when I had the energy to stay awake for more than forty-five minutes.

Procrastination probably follows you to your deathbed.
“Do you have any last words?
“Ooh, I sure hope there’s an afterlife so I can finally get started on this bucket list…”
“What was that Mr. Zimmerman?”
“My bones hurt… (incomprehensible mutters)…pigeon-crust…(death rattle)”
(checks pulse)
“He’s gone.”
“Make a note, his last words were ‘pigeon-crust’.”
“What does that mean?”
“Let’s come back to it tomorrow, right now I need a drink.”

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