Here I sit, at a Starbucks in Tampa, Florida. I promised myself (and you the public masses) that I would write a blog each Monday. I can’t think of anything hilarious to write, but I am soldiering through. Who am I kidding? Just putting words on a page is funny, if you picture me saying them, right? I’m also making a very silly face now, if that helps. Can you tell by the way I’m writing that my face is silly? You would laugh if you could see me. Okay, I will take a picture on my Droid Incredible (which has a lot of incredible glitches):

[Joe takes several pictures on his cell phone, and then reviews them]

Wow, I look like an insane person. I’m not going to share a current picture so as not to scare any children who may be reading this (I’m talking to you Jake & Riley). I look like that crazy guy in the Starbucks who everyone avoids, with electrically charged hair, whose name is Joe Zimmerman. So here I sit, the crazy guy at the Starbucks, listening to pop music on Pandora. Woh, slow down. Did you say pop?

Okay, I’ve always hated pop, but recently my Chicago friends (Mclean & Ev) convinced me that the Lady Gaga Pandora station gets you pumped up when you’re working out. Now, I’m not a Gaga fan, but I’ll try anything once, so I hopped on a treadmill with some Gaga, and pow! I went from a 5.5 mph treadmill setting to 8.5. As soon as she hits that hook on Paparazzi I’m a pro runner. I’m not sure if I’m motivated by the beat, or if I’m running from the lyrics. But it works. Anyway, I haven’t bothered to change the station, so now Justin Timberlake is singing, “I’m bringing sexy back” into my brain. Perhaps that explains why my hair is standing up. I’ve only been on this Gaga work-out plan for two weeks so I’m not sold yet. At one point, I was benching a LOT of weight, and my head phones fell out, and you hear Ke$ha coming out of my phone – the song about how she makes all the hipster guys turn their heads at the dance club. I quickly muted the volume and moved to a different room.

Exciting Beards of Comedy Tour kicks off tomorrow in Asheville at the Magnetic Field. Here is the Beard schedule, with some inside info, in case you’re a fan:

Tuesday, March 22 – Asheville, NC – The Magnetic FIeld
-My golfing buddy Chall owns the Magnetic Field, so let’s just say I have an “in” there (wink).

Wednesday, March 23 – Greenville, SC – The Coffee Underground
-This was set up through my buddy Charlie Grey, who works at the Coffee Underground, so let’s just say I have an “in” there (wink).

Friday, March 25 – Augusta, GA – Sky City
-This was arranged through my buddy Brian Supan, who is the mayor of Augusta, so yeah… I’m pretty connected.

Saturday, March 26 – Wilmington, NC – Nutt Street Comedy
-This was set up through my spirit-cousin Timmy Sherill, who is the Governor of North Carolina, so it should be a good crowd.

Sunday, March 27 – Athens, GA – Rialto Room
-This was set up through a friend of the Beards named Chris Patton, who is the prince of Tunisia. He’s pouring a lot of oil money into the promotion, so we already have 25 tickets pre-sold through Brown Paper Tickets.

The Beards have a small sponsorship through Brown Paper Tickets, but are still looking for a primary sponsor (hint, hint, nudge, nudge … yes, I’m talking to you Highland Brewery, Counter Culture Coffee, or Krispy Kreme Doughnuts).