So this just happened in the Evergaldes – it’s a picture of a Python that exploded, after eating an Alligator.

That’s correct, Pythons in the Everglades. Specifically the kind that grow up to twenty feet long, and weight 200 lbs. Problem is, pythons don’t belong in the Everglades – they have no natural predators there, so now there are somewhere between 100,000 and 200,000, and breeding rapidly!

Why is this happening, you ask? Apparently, people are buying baby pythons as pets, and then the baby pythons grow up to be twenty foot pythons, and I’m guessing at some point the owner looks at it and goes, “AAAH!!”

So then, because they love their snake so much, they release it into the wild, where he’ll be happy – because that’s what’s important, making sure your giant predator snake is happy. What happier place for a python than the Everglades; the perfect habitat /tourist destination.

I’ve never understood the desire to own a pet snake in the first place. Why would you choose to make your house more dangerous than necessary? Snakes aren’t exactly cuddly. They’re not known for being man’s best friend. They’re snakes! They symbolize and embody evil. Even if they’re not evil, they’re still scary, just by association. Plus, it’s your house! Owning a snake is the equivalent of saying, “I’d like my house to be slightly less safe.”

I have a friend of a friend (so you know this story is going to be completely accurate) who had a python for ten years, and then one day it constricted around his arm, and wouldn’t let go. He had to cut off the python’s head, and now he has permanent nerve damage. He was like, “I don’t get it, no problems for 10 years, and one day this happens.”

I think I know what happened – for ten years, your python wasn’t big enough to eat you, but then it got to the point where it was like, “I think he might fit in my stomach today, might as well give it a shot. I don’t care if he cuts off my head, I’m tired of living in a fish tank.”

If you have a snake, it doesn’t like you – I don’t care how many bunnies you feed it. A snake does not think, “Hey, this guy is feeding me bunnies, what a great dude!” No, the snake is thinking, “damn, I’m getting tired of eating rabbits. I could go for some variety up in here.”

But people continue to get pet snakes, because they’re “cool.” That’s what snake owners usually say – “I think it’s cool.” Fine, but if you suddenly can’t keep it anymore, don’t release it into the public! You might as well be housing a serial killer in the basement, and then go – I’m tired of containing this killer – I’ll just put release him somewhere where he’s happy. Just turn your snake in! I know killing it seems inhumane, but pythons eat three bunnies per month. If you kill a python, you’re saving thirty-six bunnies each year. I for one, like bunnies – they’re fluffy, and they don’t eat kids.