Here are some odd things people have said to me right after a show:

“You should do a CD of just songs. I would play it on my boat for all my friends. I can’t play your stand-up on my boat.”

“Are you friends with Jerry Seinfeld?”

“I have a great racist joke for you.”

“How come you don’t tell any racist jokes on stage?”

“What do you make per show, like five grand?”

“Do you normally play crowds this small?”
(After show with 200 people)

“You should really give away your shirts free – it’d be great marketing. Everyone would ask me, “Where’d you get that shirt?” and I’d be like, “a comedian!”

“Wait, which comic were you?”
(Eh, I was the comic, who was…me? The one you’re talking to.)

“You remind me a little of Dave Attell.”

“You remind me a little of Dane Cook.”

“You’re kind of like that Dave Chappelle guy.”

“You remind me of Zach Galifianakis.”

“You’re really dead-pan, like David Letterman.”

“Do you know Chris Rock?”

“I like that Larry the Cable Guy, but you’re alright.”

“You should insult the audience more, like Lisa Lampanelli.”

“Do you have someone who writes all your jokes?”

“Are you from Canada?”

“Hey, I didn’t see your show, but do you need a roadie? I could travel around with you. I used to be a DJ!”
-Elderly Man

“I remember you from that TV show, like ten years ago.”
(Haven’t been on TV)

“Did we go to high-school together?”

“You CRAZY as hell!”
(I’m really not that crazy)

“You can feel my beard if you want…seriously, go ahead.”

“I just got out of jail!”
-man who looked like he just got out of jail

“Sorry I didn’t laugh. I’m on pills that don’t let me laugh, but I had a great time.”

“Will you sign my ass? I know everyone always asks for the titty, so I’d like the ass.”

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“You should see a chiropractor.”